Comments for Reboot This Marriage http://rebootthismarriage.com Two adults. Two kids. One year to reboot this marriage. Tue, 07 May 2013 12:22:17 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.1 Comment on Why I Write About Kids So Much When this Blog is About Saving My Marriage by tpajevic http://rebootthismarriage.com/why-i-write-about-kids-so-much-when-this-blog-is-about-saving-my-marriage/#comment-1492 tpajevic Tue, 07 May 2013 12:22:17 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=3965#comment-1492 Al, I've been thinking about what you said for the past day, and I think you hit some major pieces. First of all, I think Ken would agree with you and tell you that I'm constantly riding him as well. I'm pretty sure this comes up in plenty of the marriage books, too, this idea that we women are way too controlling and always want our spouses to change. Which is really, really unfair. I wonder if what it really comes down to, underneath all of this, is that we're all just so overwhelmed with all these changes and how much there is to do (way more than can ever get done) and so we end up lashing out at the people we love most. It's funny you mentioned your wife's expectations, because Ken's always telling me that my expectations are what's getting me in trouble. That I expect too much, in too many situations. So maybe our expectations are inherently unreasonable--we think we can do it all, and then when we find out we can't, we blame it on our spouse? I don't know--just a thought. But you've been on my mind all day, and it makes me realize how unfair we women can be--especially to the men we love most! I'd actually love to have more men reading/commenting/helping us change these marital dynamics, and the last thing I want to do is exclude husbands from this blog, much less this conversation,so thank you for posting. And a giant thanks for being so honest with your challenges. Thinking about you guys and bunch and wishing you all the best! Al, I’ve been thinking about what you said for the past day, and I think you hit some major pieces. First of all, I think Ken would agree with you and tell you that I’m constantly riding him as well. I’m pretty sure this comes up in plenty of the marriage books, too, this idea that we women are way too controlling and always want our spouses to change. Which is really, really unfair. I wonder if what it really comes down to, underneath all of this, is that we’re all just so overwhelmed with all these changes and how much there is to do (way more than can ever get done) and so we end up lashing out at the people we love most.
It’s funny you mentioned your wife’s expectations, because Ken’s always telling me that my expectations are what’s getting me in trouble. That I expect too much, in too many situations. So maybe our expectations are inherently unreasonable–we think we can do it all, and then when we find out we can’t, we blame it on our spouse? I don’t know–just a thought. But you’ve been on my mind all day, and it makes me realize how unfair we women can be–especially to the men we love most!
I’d actually love to have more men reading/commenting/helping us change these marital dynamics, and the last thing I want to do is exclude husbands from this blog, much less this conversation,so thank you for posting. And a giant thanks for being so honest with your challenges.
Thinking about you guys and bunch and wishing you all the best!

]]> Comment on Why I Write About Kids So Much When this Blog is About Saving My Marriage by AL http://rebootthismarriage.com/why-i-write-about-kids-so-much-when-this-blog-is-about-saving-my-marriage/#comment-1491 AL Mon, 06 May 2013 07:45:08 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=3965#comment-1491 Agree with you totally. I am a dad of 2 young ones and I can relate to your piece (and just about all the pieces you have written on this blog). My kids are very perceptive of what we say/do/act, and can definitely pick up on our moods and fights. I feel that my relationship with my wife has taken a downward turn also since the arrival of our kids. Don't get me wrong.... I love them (and that includes my wife) with all my heart. But things just ain't the same anymore between the 2 of us. We are tired, grumpy, distant, un-affectionate, stressed..... Everything that I did not think we will be!!! There are things that she innately doesn't like about my personality/character, but I recently told her that I don't want to lie to her anymore... that I don't want to say "I promise I'll change". The fact of the matter is, I do want to change and I am still trying to change, but everytime I don't live up to her expectations, our relationship explodes! I feel that there is just no compromise anymore from either one of us. I really don't know what to do anymore, if being honest to her is still going to get me no where..... Anyway, sorry for ranting on. Just want to let you know that I enjoyed reading your blog. If nothing else, it lets me know that others are going through the same struggle as we are. I know I'm a guy in this case, but I can still relate to everything you are saying. Thanks and good luck with your relationship too. You have beautiful kids and I wish you the best also. Agree with you totally. I am a dad of 2 young ones and I can relate to your piece (and just about all the pieces you have written on this blog). My kids are very perceptive of what we say/do/act, and can definitely pick up on our moods and fights.

I feel that my relationship with my wife has taken a downward turn also since the arrival of our kids. Don’t get me wrong…. I love them (and that includes my wife) with all my heart. But things just ain’t the same anymore between the 2 of us. We are tired, grumpy, distant, un-affectionate, stressed….. Everything that I did not think we will be!!!

There are things that she innately doesn’t like about my personality/character, but I recently told her that I don’t want to lie to her anymore… that I don’t want to say “I promise I’ll change”. The fact of the matter is, I do want to change and I am still trying to change, but everytime I don’t live up to her expectations, our relationship explodes! I feel that there is just no compromise anymore from either one of us. I really don’t know what to do anymore, if being honest to her is still going to get me no where…..

Anyway, sorry for ranting on. Just want to let you know that I enjoyed reading your blog. If nothing else, it lets me know that others are going through the same struggle as we are. I know I’m a guy in this case, but I can still relate to everything you are saying.

Thanks and good luck with your relationship too. You have beautiful kids and I wish you the best also.

]]> Comment on 19 Things I Learned in the ICU by Lori Batcheller http://rebootthismarriage.com/things-i-learned-in-the-icu/#comment-1483 Lori Batcheller Tue, 23 Apr 2013 22:04:23 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=4116#comment-1483 How true! How true!

]]> Comment on The Root of Our Troubles–and What We Can Do About it by Kathleen http://rebootthismarriage.com/the-root-of-our-troubles-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/#comment-1462 Kathleen Thu, 04 Apr 2013 02:13:16 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=4171#comment-1462 Just fb messaged you :) Just fb messaged you :)

]]> Comment on The Root of Our Troubles–and What We Can Do About it by Rachel http://rebootthismarriage.com/the-root-of-our-troubles-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/#comment-1461 Rachel Wed, 03 Apr 2013 22:17:48 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=4171#comment-1461 Or it will become their wives' problem! Or it will become their wives’ problem!

]]> Comment on The Root of Our Troubles–and What We Can Do About it by tpajevic http://rebootthismarriage.com/the-root-of-our-troubles-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/#comment-1460 tpajevic Wed, 03 Apr 2013 21:22:15 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=4171#comment-1460 That totally made my day! Things that look like cats, of all things, so funny! Our current problem is ghosts. We went up to the Stanley Hotel last weekend, and now Gabriel's seeing/hearing ghosts every 26 seconds. One day, we'll sleep through the night. Right? Right?! That totally made my day! Things that look like cats, of all things, so funny!

Our current problem is ghosts. We went up to the Stanley Hotel last weekend, and now Gabriel’s seeing/hearing ghosts every 26 seconds. One day, we’ll sleep through the night. Right? Right?!

]]> Comment on The Root of Our Troubles–and What We Can Do About it by Rachel http://rebootthismarriage.com/the-root-of-our-troubles-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/#comment-1459 Rachel Wed, 03 Apr 2013 21:09:01 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=4171#comment-1459 The good news is they all eventually sleep all night on their own. The bad news is I couldn't get Ethan out of Will's room and into his own until he was 16. The funny thing here is that Jonah won't actually get up out of his bed and I think it's because he's terrified of the way things look in the dark. We did a little tour during daylight hours of things that freak him out at night so that we could get rid of them/move them. The last thing on his list of "things that look like cats in the dark" happened to be the hinges on the bathroom door. Have mercy. The good news is they all eventually sleep all night on their own. The bad news is I couldn’t get Ethan out of Will’s room and into his own until he was 16. The funny thing here is that Jonah won’t actually get up out of his bed and I think it’s because he’s terrified of the way things look in the dark. We did a little tour during daylight hours of things that freak him out at night so that we could get rid of them/move them. The last thing on his list of “things that look like cats in the dark” happened to be the hinges on the bathroom door. Have mercy.

]]> Comment on The Root of Our Troubles–and What We Can Do About it by tpajevic http://rebootthismarriage.com/the-root-of-our-troubles-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/#comment-1458 tpajevic Wed, 03 Apr 2013 21:00:55 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=4171#comment-1458 Girl, we are on the same page. Noise machines in every friggin room over here, it's ridiculous. Alas, none of it helps with the coddling-the-youngest-baby syndrome.... Girl, we are on the same page. Noise machines in every friggin room over here, it’s ridiculous. Alas, none of it helps with the coddling-the-youngest-baby syndrome….

]]> Comment on The Root of Our Troubles–and What We Can Do About it by Rachel http://rebootthismarriage.com/the-root-of-our-troubles-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/#comment-1457 Rachel Wed, 03 Apr 2013 20:48:03 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=4171#comment-1457 You got it! My biggest trick besides the love and reassurance is white noise. I heart humidifiers:) You got it! My biggest trick besides the love and reassurance is white noise. I heart humidifiers:)

]]> Comment on The Root of Our Troubles–and What We Can Do About it by tpajevic http://rebootthismarriage.com/the-root-of-our-troubles-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/#comment-1456 tpajevic Wed, 03 Apr 2013 20:36:25 +0000 http://rebootthismarriage.com/?p=4171#comment-1456 Oh man, I'd blame that one on all those damn tough-love parenting books (which always drive me insane). Too many of them get caught up in the control-piece, and miss the bigger picture, like you're mentioning. That's awesome that you guys are making progress over there! Can you come over and help me with G once you're done? Oh man, I’d blame that one on all those damn tough-love parenting books (which always drive me insane). Too many of them get caught up in the control-piece, and miss the bigger picture, like you’re mentioning. That’s awesome that you guys are making progress over there! Can you come over and help me with G once you’re done?

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