Don’t Try This at Home

So when your spouse refuses to get rid of that strange 80s-looking desk that you’ve been hiding in the basement for a good decade, do not–I repeat, do not!–come up with the harebrained idea of cramming it in your bedroom and using it as a portable desk.

Oh, dear reader–I tried this, and it did not serve me well. In fact, it served me so un-well that I continue to use this dilapidated mess of a desk every day!  In my bedroom!

What, you might ask, could be better than having an ugly, uncomfortable portable office in your bedroom? Making that same little ugly, uncomfortable desk into a Command Center of Clutter!  That’s right.  And what makes it all the more exciting is that it’s stashed in a corner of the tiny bedroom I share with my unorganized hubby and anywhere between 6-8 loads of unfolded laundry. If that doesn’t sound relaxing, I don’t know what is! I mean, why even bother to take a vacation when we can just relax, supine, in mounds and mounds of books, papers and laundry?  Talk about a dream vacation for the 22nd century!

At this point, I suppose should probably confess that I could spend a good year or two organizing and decluttering my house and still not get to the bottom of all this crap.  As Gretchen Rubin recommends in The Happiness Project, decluttering my house would help free up the energy drain that comes with having so much stuff.  Absolutely true, and exactly the reason that I went on a tear last weekend and spent an entire afternoon decluttering our kitchen.  However.  There’s just one slight problem here.  Unlike Ms. Reid, I don’t seem to have the appropriate reserves (i.e.: one or two full-time invisible nannies) to pull off this herculean task.

I mean, c’mon, Gretchen!  You and I both know that chaos and clutter can be a real problem these days, especially if you’ve been burdened with The Laziness Gene like I have.  (Goodness!  And don’t even get me started on that whole multitasking argument.  It’s so 21st century, don’t you think?)

Which is why I was fantasizing about hiring someone to get rid of all our stuff when Ken was out of town a few weeks ago.  In fact, if the hubster hadn’t returned when he did, I most certainly would have tried it.  Hired a bunch of mobsters to come in and ransack our home.  Can you imagine anything more joyful? And who says money can’t buy instant happiness!

Sigh.  So it is in this spirit of utter messy craziness that Ken and I have decided to Go Forth and Plan a Garage Sale.  In August.  That’s right!  You heard it here first, folks!  Never mind that we’d originally been trying to plan one for May, what’s important is that we’re still…planning!  And man, is this going to be the Garage Sale of the Century!  Full of all sorts of crap you wouldn’t want in your own home!  Ha ha ha ha!

And no, it won’t be like these poor folks who posted their garage sale on Craigslist, only to have a bunch of early birders break into their house and take all their stuff!  Ha ha ha, what a funny bunch of garage salers!  Breaking into someone’s home and stealing all of their stuff!  Wait–unless they were them mobsters I was talking about….


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2 Responses to Don’t Try This at Home

  1. Rachel June 23, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    Can I bake the garage sale cake?

    I was wondering if I would be brave enough to post a photo of my desk in my bedroom.

    I’m not, but if I made a list of the things that are visible on the top of the, er, pile, it would look like this: checkbook, tiny spring, dead/alive AA batteries, basket of photos, unopened package of Diet Coke pencils, pen caps-no pens, attractive coffee rings, bone marrow donor card, basket of photos, Jehovah’s witness guide to the happy family, half drunk Strawberry C Monster, quarter, penny, empty package of glue sticks, Legos, ear thermometer, CD spindle loaded with no-doubt unusable CDs, one-armed Lando Calrissian figurine waiting for me to manufacture a plastic prosthesis, red barrette, glasses case with the glasses Ethan wore in third grade, my right foot.

    You know, Krista organizes/de-clutters/feng shuis for a living. She’s amazing. I’m not suggesting you hire her. I’m suggesting we move in with her:)

    • tpajevic June 24, 2011 at 10:28 am #

      Lando Calrissian! I was going to post a photo of Gabriel commandeering my desk, but I just switched over to a new computer and somehow the pix didn’t make the transition. Plus, I have to admit that the mess doesn’t stop there–lately, it’s been spilling over to the bed, where I try and push everything onto the foot of the bed and pretend it’s not there. Anyway, I love the list of everything on your desk–it’s so good, it puts me to shame. Rachel, write a guest post anytime you want, you’re so funny!

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