Let’s Make a Deal

First, let me start by saying how glad I am that I don’t have a hubby who plays golf all weekend.  I know there are plenty of women out there whose hubbies are gone all weekend, every weekend, doing their own thing.  I could never be one of those women, and god help me, if I tried, you’d find me checked into a lunatic asylum slobbering all over myself.

See, my hubby’s one of those guys who are actually involved with their kids.  And he’s, gasp, really good with them.  Well, most of the time anyway–if he was some kind of freak of a  super-hero dad, then I wouldn’t have anything to write about.  But no, Ken’s the kind of guy that kids migrate to.  They see me coming, on the other hand, and they run like hell.  I don’t blame them–who wants to hang out with Bad Cop when Good Cop’s sitting just a few feet away, willing to give you anything your heart desires?

As my 4-year-old son Nico said the other day, “Adults always say yes.”

Excuse me?

Well, maybe I’ve been giving in a little too much to the kids lately (Nico’s perfected the “how many sweets can I have today” argument), but hell, I’m holding the line when it comes to my poor ‘ole hubby.  Or at least using his request for weekend free time to get something of my own out of the deal.  Isn’t that terrible?  But don’t we all do it?

I’m sorry, but after being with my amazing-but-crazymaking kiddos for any long stretch of time, I need a break, too.  So when he asks to go hiking with his buddy, I’ve gotta think fast.  “Sure thing,” I say.  “But only if I can hit my dance class on Thursday night.”  It’s our own quaint little version of Married Microeconomics.

Imagine if someone had warned you about all of this before you had kids.  You would’ve thought they were a lunatic, right? Grown adults asking for permission to do their own thing? What a riot!  And yet here I am, asking my old man if I can cut out for a cocktail.  At age 40.  Sheesh.




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2 Responses to Let’s Make a Deal

  1. Kika Dorsey March 18, 2011 at 5:35 pm #

    I’ve read all these posts and I feel for your situation.

    I’m going through a remodel of our whole upstairs. My father died and my mother has Alzheimer’s and I try to visit her every other day. I have two children. They’re older than yours (yes, it gets better, in many ways, more complex in others).

    Sam, my oldest, nine years old, and I are in a constant battle about school work. I yell at him more than I’d like. I’m the bad guy, and I hate it. My car is also a mess. I try to keep track of the house, but I feel overwhelmed by the clutter. My husband, who is involved with the remodel, has to hear me complain about the mess all the time, and yet moving the kids out of their rooms has made me realize how much I’m part of the mess. What do we do with it? We throw it in a closet!

    To top it off, I’m dealing with an amazing amount of red tape dealing with my mother’s affairs. I’m her guardian. I’m now the mother of my mother and her grandchildren.

    I think as women we need to balance being the caretakers for others and being the caretakers of ourselves. It’s a challenge.

    I think you’re right to leave your children with others to exercise and just be alone and write. I also think that the weekends that I flew to New York or Portland to visit old friends were priceless. I commend you for being so appreciative of your husband. I’m working on that.

    Great work you’re doing.


  2. tpajevic March 18, 2011 at 9:49 pm #


    I’m so sorry about your father, and my god, I didn’t realize that you were going through all that with your mother as well. Talk about heartbreaking. That is an amazingly overwhelming burden you’re facing and I can’t even imagine how you’re able to get through every day, let alone most. How absolutely horrific to be dealing with the loss going on before your very eyes while attempting to reconcile yourself with your father’s death, then trying to take care of two young kids on top of it. And a remodel to boot? Jesus. It’s a wonder that you’re not heavily sedated, to say the least.

    I hope there’s some way we can help support you through all of this, even if it’s something as little as helping you laugh. Or help you get out and take your own break (or writing break) for the day.

    Thinking of you–

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