Lately, I’ve been getting lots of comments like “Help! My spouse is driving me nuts! I can’t take it anymore!”
So today, I’d like to offer a simple solution.
When your spouse starts agitating—complaining, being mean, or just plain driving you nuts—try this:
Turn toward your spouse instead of away from him or her.
(Yeah. You read that right.)
Give him your undivided attention and ask what he needs. Hold her hand, look her in the eye, and ask her how you can help.
Why would you do such a crazy thing, you ask?
Because when people start agitating, it’s usually because they want some attention. When people act up, it’s because they want to matter.
But instead of giving them our full attention and showing them they matter, we run away. Or we get pissed off.
All of which just upsets them further.
Sending that damn Complain/Agitate–Run-Away/Get-Pissed-Off cycle into overdrive.
And as we all know, it’s hell getting off that train once it’s left the station.
So today I’m going to challenge you to turn toward your spouse instead of away from him or her the next time he/she starts driving you bonkers.
Say, “That sounds hard.”
Or: “I hear you.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“That sounds rough.”
AND: “I’m here for you.”
And then watch what happens.
Then take a moment to leave a comment below and tell us how it went.
(Hint: this simple technique also works wonders with kids, as well as with mothers and mothers-in-law, or anyone else trying to get your attention.)