So I’ve begun to think that one of the reasons we’re having such a hard time with marriage these days is because we put so much of our time and energy into our kids. And now that children have moved from the periphery of the family to the center, there’s not a whole lot of time and energy left over for our relationships.
And I don’t know about you, but when I’m overextended and exhausted, the last thing I feel like doing is cuddling up to my honey bunny. What I want most is some alone time. A few seconds of peace and quiet, with nobody asking me for anything.
On the days when things are going well with the kids, I look forward to hanging out with Ken once the kids are asleep. But if I’m fried…well, let’s just say it ain’t gonna happen, my friend.
This is why I don’t really write about sex in this blog. Because I firmly believe that if things are going shitty with your kids or your spouse, you’re not going to want to hit the sheets–you’re going to want to hit the road.
And if you want to hit the road, you’ve got much bigger problems than Viagra’s going to fix.
But I digress. The reason I’ve been focusing so much on our relationship with our kids lately is because if things are off-kilter with your kids, they’re probably going to be off-kilter in your marriage as well. And vice, versa. (For more on this, read David Code’s wonderful book To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First).
Which is why I’ve been focusing so much on the kid-part of the equation lately. Because if your kid’s off yelling in a corner somewhere, it’s not looking so good for that quiet little chat with your spouse, now is it?
It’s also my belief that if things are going smoothly in one part of the family, those good feelings will rub off on other family members as well. Meaning that if things are going well with your spouse, it’ll positively impact your relationship with your children.
Basically, I see us as a big ‘ole family-style ecosystem. We all affect each other way more than we think, with our kids being geniuses at picking up our true moods no matter what kinds of words are coming out of our mouths. Which is why my kids start acting up when I’m freaking out. And when Ken and I are fighting? Oh, yeah.
So if we’re going to reboot our marriages, I think we’ve got to reboot our relationships with our kids as well. Because the bottom line is that we’re all affecting each other way more than we realize.
At least that’s my belief.
What do you think?